Enough

So Depressed...
Such A Mess...
Every Move..
Every Step..

Gets turned on me
In a matter of seconds...
Pull me this way...
Shove me that..

What Do I stand for?
Nothing because I
fall for everything!!!

My heart.. what heart?
It was ripped out long ago.
I'm such a fucking mess
Welcoming certain habits..
like i don't wanna miss the chance.

I believe in you, because I know your potential..
but that's not who you are.... is it?
I know the reasons I shouldn't be with you..
But here i fucking am.. shouldn't that be enough for you?!
I give you my heart, i give you my mind,and body and love.
Will that ever be enough?
Will that ever be enough?

All The Things

I Hate How I Used You As My First Excuse
To Smoke Weed.
I Hate The Part That Wants It.
I Hate How It Makes Me Feel Every Time.

I Hate How You Need It.
I Hate How You Say You're Sorry
As You Take Another Hit.
I Hate How You Tell Me I'm Your High
When You're So High And Fucked Up.
I Hate Listening To You Complain About
Not Having Money And Watching You Buy
A Bag Twice A Month.

I Hate Fighting Constantly
And How We Hurt Each other The Hardest.
I Hate How I Believe In You When You Don't Want It.

I Hate How I Can't Get Over
All Four Of Them.
I Hate All The Excuses You Gave.

I Hate How I Don't Trust You
And How I Make You Feel Bad.

I Wish I Could Do Something About This
I Wish We Could Be.

I'll Miss The Way You Kiss Me
And The Way My Hand Fits In Yours.
I'll Miss Your Loving Eyes
And Your Sweetness.
I'll Miss Being In Your Arms
And Hearing Your Laugh.
I'll Miss Making Love To You
And Being So Close.

But All The Things Considered
This Is For The Best....

....

All I Give To You All
All I Try To Maintain
It All Falls To Pieces

And I'm The One You Blame.

I Try To Make You All Happy
Because Only Then Am I Myself...
But I Can't Please Everybody
And That's The Biggest Let-down In Itself.

I Trusted You And Confide In You're Word
Then You Go Behind My Back And Laugh.
Is My Pain So Funny? Is It Amusing To You?

I Make One Mistake And I'm Damned Through And Through.

I've Longed, Oh God How I've Longed For True Joy,
I Want To Be Loved And Be Happy.

I Can't Decide Which Is More Pitiful
Is It This World Or Is It Just Me?

Untitled

I Can't Believe That This Is How It Goes...
I Can't Believe That This Is You....

You Stop Talking To Me..
And Begin To Lie...
Where'd That Attitude Come From?

I've Loved You Forever And So Much More
I Tried To Be Good To You
And Show You The World.

I Can't Believe That This Is What I See
Why, Oh, Why Do You Hate Me?

Mocking Me, Picking, And Pushing Me
What Have I Done To Deserve This From You?

You're Not The Same, And I Can't Guide You Anymore
I Gotta Let You Go And It Hurts Because
I've Always Thought The Worst, And
It's Coming True.....

Goodbye To Another Sister
Long Lost

Frida

Comparing myself
to the artista who's
felt my pain...

Two accidents occurred
in my life...
The car,
and him.

 And he was by far the worst.....

Two Sides Of A Coin

Every time I breathe you in....
Every time I take a hit....

Sometimes the room will spin, and
my mind will stop thinking.

Other times I feel ashamed, my
stupidity begins it's reign...

This isn't me... This isn't my thing....

I hate how you fix me, and
I hate how you make me break!

I hate how part of me needs you
and sometimes there's the want.

I hate how I can't look my
father in his eyes, afraid he'll see
what his daughter has become.

I can't condone to what I do,
but yet sometimes it makes me feel good.

This isn't me... This isn't my thing....

Things I'll Never Say....

Sometime when I look
into your eyes I don't see mine.
Sometimes I catch myself in a mirror and see someone else.

You'll never know how much I
love your eyes, and how much
I despise them. The lies they've
told...The heart they broke.

I'll never tell you how much it
kills me to know your smell...
That same cologne that lingers makes
my heart jump yet brings tears
to my eyes.

I remember how you put it on
after all those nights of disbelief
When you tell me that you just didn't
think my love was real or true.

Well, I can honestly tell you that my
love has always been true...
too bad I can't say the same for you.

I'll never tell you why I pull away
when we make love, and you'll never
see that it's hard for
me to get over them....
All the words you whisper to
me....
Did you say them to all the others?

My biggest torment is that I
must forgive, I must let go.
I know you've tried a million times
to say and show you're sorry.

I sit here and can't ever show
you how happy I was when I
first kissed you because I'll
always remember... you were
still in love with her.
You said it yourself, what can I say?

I'll never be able to explain.
I love you more than I ever
have... And there's been so many
happy tears too.

But you're the one person in this world
the only one who has hurt me this bad
And what have I learned?

Solicitude

Don't tell me I don't care!
You weren't there...
You weren't there...

Quit telling me he did the same things!
Look at him now...
Just look at him now...

Quit Complaining and being bitter!
Look at this life and all you've been given.
You've gotten a second chance so take it....
Quite trying to break this....

Don't tell me I'm just like him when he was my age!
Don't tell me he didn't care!
He was there...
He was always there....

Look at him now... He's twice the man you are....
And look where he's at... starting new, with a baby
of his own and a love so very true.

Don't tell me I don't care!!!
When I try too damn hard to show everyone.
I try too damn hard to let it be known I care!!

I know you worry,
trust me I understand...
But don't tell me I don't care...
because now you're making me mad...

Don't tell me I'm like him...
But if i even were, then I hope I end up in the same place one day
with love....
True Love.

Don't say that we never cared...
I get so tired of trying to show you...
So I guess the real question is...

Why Do I Care?....
Why Do I Care?....

Never Again...

Last Night I Died Again....
From Believing In You..Again.

I'm Your Only One..
You Can't Live Without Me..
....I 'Love' You....

I Hope It Was Worth It...
I'm Sure She Was.....

Last Night I Cried Again...
I Sat In The Shower..
I Scrubbed And Scrubbed Til
My Skin Was Bleeding Red.....

Feeling My Heart Give Way...
Breaking And Breaking...
And I Prayed.. Oh God I Prayed
That The Feeling And Thoughts
Went Away....

I Still See You..
The Way You'd Look At Me
Every Time I Went Down On You...
And Now I'm Ripping Myself Apart
Because You Sit There And Give..
Oh You Give That Look To Her....

Saying Those Same Little Words...
Sleeping With Her In Your Arms....
While You Had Me On The Phone
Telling Me You Hurt, And Just
Couldn't.. Oh God You Just
Couldn't Live Without me.

You Obviously Weren't Hurting
That Bad. Oh No....
Because I Thought I'd Made A Mistake
Killing Myself... Wanting To Be In Your Arms.

The Nights Were The Hardest For Me.
And Obviously The Easiest For You.

Last Night I Died Again...
I Cried Again....
I Kept Scrubbing And Scrubbing
Til I Bled.....

I Gave It All To You.
I Trusted You After All That
Fucking Shit You've Put Me Through.

Save Your Fucking Promises
You Got What You Wanted Out Of This......

Today I Awoke In My Own Dismay....
My Eyes Burned So Red...

I Still Feel You In My Skin...
Oh God Give Me Something
To Get Rid Of Him.....

You Took Advantage
Because I Had Faith...
I Had Fucking Faith In All You Did!
I Believed In You...

And I'm Sure You're Proud Of What You Fucking Did.
Save Your Lies, And All You Hide.
You'll Die Alone, Oh A Lonely Man...

And The Only One In This World
That Truly Wanted All Of You
Will Be Gone...

Never Again...
Never Again...
I Can't Love A Whore.....

[Follow] [You] [Haunting] [Me]

Will I ever follow you?
Won't you see my face?
The tears I cried are over you.
The way you did what you did.

As I walk away and try to live,

You try to pull me back.
The things you've said will haunt me.
My life almost came to an end.

Will I ever follow you?
Won't you see my face?
How does a man like you sleep at night
Knowing what you did?

Don't sit there and tell me things would've been better,
when your last words to me were
'I'm gonna make your life a living hell.'

I'm not stupid! Just broken....
And I'm slowly starting to mend.
One day I'll prove you wrong.
Although I don't know why I'm still trying.
I know you lie through your teeth,
but I keep trying...

Do you really understand what you did was wrong?
Or do you consider yourself right?

Almost a year has gone by now...
I still remember the shit you pulled.
I know you will follow me the rest of my life.

But will I truly ever haunt you?
Will you see my face?

Don't tell me that 'because you're my dad'..
Dad is a name you haven't earned yet.

You only care about yourself and only see your pain.

Tell me man...Have you ever really loved?

Turns out you will haunt me and follow me
for the rest of my life.
So tell me this...
What kind of dad are you?

You will see my face as
you close your eyes.
Nothing but silence lies within those walls.

God knows I love you...
But why?!
......I can't remember anymore.

With Every Damn Beat

Crying my tears in vain.
Wondering why I play your game.
This isn't the first time,
And I'm sure it won't be the last!

People tell me to let go, easier said
than done.
My hear is what is making me hold on.
Such a traitor it is.
So many problems going on.
Ahh.. true love? this is what it feels like?

I would have done anything for you!
Gone anywhere you asked me to.
But you just turn away and act like nothing is wrong...
Fuck here we go again.

I now lie here screaming your name
Where is my angel now when i need him?

Maybe one day you'll see how much
you really mean to me...
I'm losing hope my heart fades with time.
I'm so dead inside.

Gotta be strong bause I can't let you see.
I was taught and brought up to hide.
Can't stop it this time though falling hard.

One day I hope you'll see how much you really mean to me.
But by then I hope it won't matter....

With every damn beat....
It hurts with every damn beat.

Black Is My Heart

I'm sitting here staring out my window.
Thinking about the hell you put me through.
Fuck you!
Now it's my turn to tell you how I feel....

Too many times I've cried.
So many times you've lied.
And now I'm fucking broken!
Cause my heart is black, my love is cold.
I'm dead inside.
Apparently being 'dad' was an issue.

You put me in a cage,
telling me you're just keeping me safe.

But you just sat there and watched me fall...
Desinigrating before your very eyes.
Don't fucking tell me you didn't understand why
I cried so many nights!

You now try to act like nothing happened
And nothing is wrong.. fuck that because...

Too many times I've cried.
So many times you've lied.
And now I'm fucking broken!
Cause my heart is black, my love is cold.
I'm dead inside.
Apparently being 'dad' was an issue.

Where there was truth behind all lies
All in all it never ends for good.
But than again.....
.......who said it would?

Another Pill

Sleep seems so beautifully rare
Another day, another pill...
Waking up depressed has lost it's thrill

The storm outside can't match my pain,
All those clouds pouring out rain.

My heart can't take anymore thinking
'bad habits' can be pure.

Kill me sweetly...Never!
Kill me slowly...Forever.

My pain, this heart ripping out doesn't cover it.
My love where to go?
Seems like I'm dieing slow.

Death seems so much easier than this.
Heaven can't feel pain,
My tears are dried, and I'd be born again.

But I can't commit, no matter the torture.
But I thought he was the only one who might love me forever.

Guess I'm a fool to believe in love....

After all, all it makes is hurt.

Wrong time, wrong place,
Nobody wants to wait.

My tears keep falling.
My heart fills with pain.

All the 'hope' I get,
the 'hope' they give is that it might...
..never end.....

Suicidal Tendencies

As Six words could describe
"My heart now, it always breaks"

Love is like suicide
then my heart has suicidal tendencies.

Taking the leap
give him all of it.

Feeling anxious
Racing beats

And slowly dieing
after it breaks.

Hand it over
Let's play again...

My suicidal tendencies....

....Always win.

Suicidal Silence

These tears fall hard like rain,
every crushing sound.

Nobody knows how bad I pine
to hear his voice again...

The pain isn't going away, and I'm trying
to stay strong because I know he wont come
he wont come for me, can't hear my cries.


I know he can't feel the pain and i die.
My love for him is still so strong,
And God I wish and long..
For him to sweep me off my feet
show me what he feels..

I miss the taste of his kiss,
and the way he feels....

Those eyes, everytime he looked at me.
Baby I can't save you! And no one can save me...

I've spent so very long doing everything
just for a glance, and now every time
I close my eyes....there's your beautiful face.

Why wont he just be the prince I long for?
When I know all too well he can be so very
romantic.

I wish he'd let go of everything else.
I wish I could too.
Because right now all i can think about
is holding you. the way you'd hold me, and I'd rub your back,
feeling you breathe was my symphony.

And now here i sit in my heart's suicidal silence
as it kills itself because you won't be romantic.

Hit It.

Go ahead and pass it
Go ahead and take a hit
Go ahead and watch me walk out the door
while you're hitting it
and passing it....again.

Im sick of that taste on your lips,
I'm tired of the smell on your breath.
I'm sick of watching you do it.. that's all you do.
take after take
hit after hit

Go ahead and pass it
Go ahead and take a hit....again

I'm tired of seeing the glaze in your eyes
Missing the beauty in them... The beauty I once knew.

Do I bore you so much you can't enjoy me sober?
You can't let me see you?

This is how you are....this is what you want.
You tell me my love is more important than pot.
So why won't you stop? Why can't you love me sober?

I see the addiction, and I feel it...
You hunger for that high, why?

You're wasting your time and you're wasting mine.
It's a waste to see such a man have that take place.
How can you take Pride?

It disheartens me dearly watching you go...
telling me i have to leave so you can go
Telling me you're sorry and feel so guilty...
as you take another deep breath.

Wanting you to show me more.....

...........................................But you honestly can't can you?

[J.U.S.T.I.N]

You win..
You got the best of me

Now kill me
So I can fucking sleep....

I fucked it up
You don't know what you want

Or you just don't want to hurt me.
Well, It's too late for that..
You already have....

I know i fucked up..
and i know i wanted to try
but this time Im scared
scared that you lied

I'm not gonna get you back
and im losing sleep
thinking that you're all i need.

It's like you're not trying.
You're life is so full
While I'm sitting here crying
wishing you'd call.

Why do i feel like this?
Why do i care?
because my heart tells me something different

I'm gonna back off eventhough it kills me
Lets see if you really want me
lets see if you'll try

I guess if you don't make an effort
then you weren't worth it at all..

Now i have to tell that to my heart
which will be the hardest of all.

Bloody Masquerade

This One's For You and your next hit
for that girl lying next to you after you've done it.
This one's for her trusting you
she cries her eyes out now
she's falling apart.
You told her you loved her just the night before
you've told her how much you adore her.
Now you sit there and watch her cry not knowing how much she just died
you find a way to blame her everytime. trust me she already blames herself.
This one's for her trusting you
she's throwing up now...Falling apart
Her eyes don't glimmer..her smile doesn't shimmer
it's all faded away now.
How can you sleep knowing you've touched her? How can you sleep knowing
you were with another?
You always find a way to blame her a little.
Not knowing how much it kills her.
This ones for her such a stupid girl.
Loving you, thinking that would work.
This one's for you for hurting her
for that smile on your face like nothing's wrong.
She's falling apart now Crying her eyes out
screaming in pain..
such a stupid girl....
This one's for you
Lieing to her
Save your excuses
They've already gone to waste.
They can't save us now...

Rip This Out...

Why do I cry when he does the things he does?
Why does it hurt so much?
Why do i sit here and cry when I hear the things he says
Impressing people at my expense....
Make them laugh while I'm screaming,
Fuck it? cuz this hurts so bad?
If only you saw...
If only you could see...
Why do i always go for the same guys?
All they are are pricks...
So rip this heart out once again..
You're not sorry for what you did, nor will you ever be.
Because when you realize what love is and care about someone
maybe you'll realize what you finally fucking did.

Vanish

What if I just disappeared?
who’s life would it change?

Would it make it better?
or would this all still be the same?

what if i just died?
in who’s life would I be missed?
for what reasons? cuz im just a bitch.

I hurt the ones that love me.
i love the ones that hurt me.

so if i just disappeared...
would this all go away?

I can make this better.
for you and your soul.
Mine’s been forsaken.....
I dont understand...

with this last selfish breath
I’ll make this right....

with my last selfish breath........
....
I’ll disappear.

Worthless

All this anger is building up inside of me.

he's not fucking worth it.
He's not fucking worth it.

Gave my heart away.
always the wrong time,
the wrong place,
The wrong person.

he's not fucking worth it,
he's not fucking worth it,

I thought it was a simple
request. But it seems like
I always pick the ones that
never care..

So why do i feel like
he's fucking worth it?
When all i feel is
used?

I just gotta get used to this
not feeling that love
his heart being hers.

he's not fucking worth it.
he's not fucking worth it.

Then why am i so worked
up about this?.. if he's not fucking
worth it.

All I ever wanted was for them
to feel the pain i feel, and the
reason why, and i know
he's getting sick of hearing
me cry.

I don't expect him to care..
but then why?...

All my anger and pain
comes from this betrayal
my heart has made.

he's NOT fucking worth it.
he's NOT fucking worth it.

I have to be okay...
because I'm sure he feels the
same way..

I'm not fucking worth it..
I'm not fucking worth it..

One Word

This Life, is usually a disappointment
it's something I've grown used to.
It's hard to handle this, because
of the way he makes me feel.

I sit and realize how he's been there
through all my pain and tears.
the only person in this entire world
who's never feared my anger.
I found what i was looking for.
Understanding.

Eventhough through all this time
we've purposely tried to hurt eachother
many a time.

I've prayed all my life just for the love
God promised me. But yet.. my hands
almost always seem empty. Is it too much to ask?
For all the love I've given? Yes, I know I've made
mistakes.. but I need to be forgiven.

I was happy with a choice i made.. but at
my dismay.. he turned out to be a problem.

But this is the wrong time for me, which doesn't make
it any easier. I dont need to make this worse.. but
I've got to get rid of 'this'.

Out of all the ways he's made me feel
anymore there's only one word that
comes from his mouth that causes me so
much pain
......her name.

BLEEDING AND BROKEN

Bleeding and broken

Torn from the inside.

You left me for dead,
mortified.

Crying and whispering,
"What Have I Done?"

Left here
lying
in my own

BLOOD.